Team USA Hoops has Become Team AWOL

Nobody Wants to Play These Days, Except for Carmelo

 By JIM ARMSTRONG, AOL Exclusive

Nice kid, Carmelo Anthony, but he has a lot to learn about being a superstar in the NBA.

Carmelo Anthony knows plenty about basketball, but he still has a lot to learn about being an NBA superstar. 

How do we know? Because he wants to play for the U.S. Olympic hoops team. Says it's been a dream of his ever since he was knee-high to Spud Webb.

Come to think of it, maybe he has mastered one aspect of NBA superstardom. Maybe he's smoking something. He must be to want to go to Athens.

I have no doubt, if Anthony were invited to be on the team, he'd make it. By default in all likelihood. When it's all said and done, he might be the only NBA player willing to make the trip.

In case you missed it, Team USA has turned into Team AWOL. Eleven players -- 11! -- were named to the original Dream Team IV roster, only to have the dog eat their homework. Actually, I made that part up. Fact is, that's about the only excuse I haven't heard. 

My favorite so far has to be Tracy McGrady's. He announced the other day that he couldn't go because it just dawned on him that he's getting married. Hey, at least he didn't have some flimsy excuse like, say, he hurt himself sneezing.

 Apparently, McGrady asked his fiancee a while ago, but it slipped his mind when he agreed to play. Hope he has better luck remembering his anniversary. You forget one of those, T-Mac, and the only thing that will get you out of the doghouse is a $4-million diamond ring.

 Ready for the roll call of the other quitters? Here goes: Mike Bibby, Shaquille O'Neal, Karl Malone, Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, Kobe Bryant, Elton Brand, Vince Carter, Kenyon Martin and Jason Kidd.

 Let me guess. They all sprained their ankles while running to the bank. Either that or they strained their backs getting in their Porsches.

 Some -- Kidd and Malone among them -- have legitimate injuries, and Bryant will be biding his time in a courtroom in Eagle, Colo. But for the most part, it's safe to say they just don't feel like going. Don't want to be bothered. Don't want to do it unless there's something in it for them. 

There are those out there who believe Team AWOL has every right to bag the Olympics. Fine. They're more than welcome to their opinions. But riddle me this: If Uncle Sam threw in a $10-million flag endorsement, would all these guys be so quick to quit?

 Oh, sure, there's the danger factor. Terrorists figure to be lurking, and it's not like a 6-10 black guy wearing stars and stripes wouldn't stand out in a crowd. But whatever happened to American chutzpah? What, Shaq is supposed to be afraid of some geek with a scraggly beard who lives in a cave in Afghanistan? 

Thousands of other U.S. athletes and media types aren't afraid. They're looking forward to going. They'll be making the trip with smiles on their faces, if not gas masks in their suitcases.

 Nowhere in this column does it say these guys have a patriotic duty to go to Athens. Then again, it's not like their country hasn't been good to them. They've been showered with cash and adulation by their fellow citizens. They've worked the system and been allowed to live The Life simply because they can hoop a little. And how do they say thanks? Oh, my aching hamstring!

 Undercover Assignment

 Don't ask me how, but the conversation between Games 1 and 2 of the NBA Finals turned to what kind of underwear Shaq prefers. Is he a boxers kind of guy or does he wear those Hanes briefs that Michael Jordan hawks? 

None of the above, says Shaq.

 ''Thongs,'' he said.

 Let me guess. When he retires, he's hoping to become a sumo wrestler.

Summer 2004